By Danielle Dyann Abril
I grew up as a cradle Catholic awash in the principles of the purity and chastity culture of the *ahem* late-nineties/early two-thousands. My days were filled with attending my local Catholic school and my weeknights and weekends were filled with youth group and rosary prayer meetings. Thus, I thought I understood the meaning of human sexuality and why the Catholic Church prohibited sex before marriage and promoted Natural Family Planning instead of artificial contraception. However, I was very wrong.
As it turns out, my theology of sex was very based upon only the negative and saying “No”. What I heard, was “the Catholic Church says you cannot do this” and “bad things will happen if you do that”. In my teenage mind, I internalized a fear of sexual intimacy lest I somehow “fall” into these temptations that seemed to be lurking around every corner. To me, living as a “chaste” woman of God meant a near gnostic rejection of myself as a physical being. To make a terribly long story short this led me to a very disordered understanding of why the Catholic Church promotes and celebrates Natural Family Planning.
I truly hope that this was not everyone else’s experience as a teen because it is not what the Catholic Church teaches and believes. As I have grown and matured in my faith and understanding, I have learned that God created us a beautiful Body/Soul unity. We cannot reject one aspect of this unity and prize the other. Rather, as integrated, fully alive human beings we must order and respect both aspects.
Over the past decade and a half, I have wrestled with this subject as I have studied theology, entered into marriage, and become a mother. Now that I have children who are are beginning to ask specific questions about their bodies and human reproduction my focus has become, “how can I help them to do this body/soul integration naturally as they come of age?” You see, I want my children to understand that God gave them their bodies and that their bodies are good. They can experience joy and pleasure through both their bodies and their souls. This joy will be true and lasting when it is ordered to the ends for which they were created.
All that being said, I knew I wanted to begin my family’s discussion of human sexuality from the lens of who we are created to be as God’s creatures. With the advice of my wonderful NFP trained pediatrician, Dr. Elizabeth Abraham, I found a treasure which situates the conversation squarely where it belongs. The small but powerful book, Wonderfully Made! Babies: A Catholic Perspective on How and Why God Makes Babies Biblically, scientifically, gently, and appropriately introduces the human body and human reproduction as a masterful piece of God’s plan. I love this book and would highly recommend it to parents just beginning this talk with their children because it gives the words, simple pictures, and theological background necessary to launch the discussion in a comfortable way. This book perfectly sets the stage for introducing the idea of family planning according to God’s design.
I have come to believe that the way we introduce sex/the marital embrace to children highly impacts how they will view their bodies, their sexuality, and family planning throughout their lifetime. If sex is simply a physical pleasure with the occasionally result of a pregnancy if you are not “careful”, then using contraception does seem like a logical result. However, if sex/the martial embrace is a masterful part of God’s plan which was created with a purpose and meaning, then it makes sense that there are rules to govern its use. It follows logically then that if we follow the plan set up before time by our creator we can flourish in the fulness of our created being.
It’s like this: sometimes my children want to stand on a toy that is simply not meant to hold their weight. In order to protect them and ensure that they are safe and healthy, I simply will not allow them to stand on that toy no matter how frustrated that makes them. Sometimes, they ask me why and my answer is almost always because the creator of the toy did not intend it for that use. Our bodies are just like that. God made us to live and flourish provided we act in a certain way. If we misuse our bodies, we too will break. It is not that God wants us to feel limited or boxed in by the rules, no: he wants us to “follow the owner’s manual” so that we do not hurt ourselves.
Contrary to what I thought as a teen, I now know that God’s plan for our sexuality is a resounding “yes” to living as who we were created to be. This is what will bring us true joy and a flourishing life. I simply cannot wait to pass this ever-important positive life-affirming message along to my children!
St. John Paul II…Pray for us!
Danielle Dyann Abril is the mother of many children through adoption, foster care, and biological motherhood. She home-schools her crew, blogs at https://unrepeatableblessings.com, and in her spare time works with the Archdiocese of St. Louis Office of Natural Family Planning to share the good news about NFP with the world.