By Danielle Dyann Abril
On the eve of my wedding, I distinctly remember a close friend asking me if we were going to start having children right after our marriage. In that moment, I had very conflicting feelings and just shrugged my shoulders. It is not that I had not considered this question, certainly many hours and conversation with my future husband assured me that we did indeed want children at some point. However, after growing up in a culture that insists, “it’s important to wait to be financially stable before having children” and “wait a few years until you know your spouse,” I was truly at a loss for how to answer.
Blessedly, both my husband and I felt well prepared to enter into marriage and had gone through the Pre-Cana classes and spent hours discussing our vision of marriage and family life. We each held multiple degrees in theology and had taken seriously the Church’s teachings on marital openness to life. In the months prior to the wedding day, we met with some family friends to learn Natural Family Planning (NFP) and then spent months discussing and charting and so we were well prepared intellectually to make a good decision.
However, looking back I can see now that I had a heart-problem. Although, I intellectually agreed with the fullness, beauty, and richness of the Church’s teaching, there was fear lurking in the shadows leaving me questioning how to live out this new calling. There was a nagging fear in my heart asking, “could I really entrust the whole of my family’s life to God?”
Then everything changed, I donned a beautiful white dress, walked down the aisle with my father towards my future husband, said the sacred vows and exchanged rings, and we were married! Not only that, but even better our union received the blessing of the Holy Church and the graces of the beautiful Sacrament of Matrimony. And quietly, there stirred a change in my heart – a change that left me ready for whatever God had planned for my family.
In humble obedience then to her voice, let Christian husbands and wives be mindful of their vocation to the Christian life, a vocation which, deriving from their Baptism, has been confirmed anew and made more explicit by the Sacrament of Matrimony. For by this sacrament, they are strengthened and, one might almost say, consecrated to the faithful fulfillment of their duties. Thus, will they realize to the full their calling and bear witness as becomes them, to Christ before the world.
Humanae Vitae 25
In the years that followed our joyous wedding day, I have come to understand that my somewhat sudden change of heart was not a coincidence, but a direct result of the grace offered to me by the Sacrament. Over the years, I have learned to appreciate how the graces of the Sacrament of Marriage are elegantly aligned with what is being asked of the married couple. God, in the richness of His plan, does not ask us for something, especially something that may be challenging, without providing the graces to achieve it. God asks us to entrust our family to His providence, but he gives us all the graces we need to do so in the Sacrament of the Matrimony, if only we are willing to open ourselves to those graces.
Although the graces of the Sacrament of Marriage are plentiful, there are two that are especially relevant here: the creation of an unbreakable bond, and the ability to create and rear children. The Second Vatican Council document, Lumen Gentium, says it so well:
“Christian spouses, in virtue of the sacrament of Matrimony, whereby they signify and partake of the mystery of that unity and fruitful love which exists between Christ and His Church, help each other to attain to holiness in their married life and in the rearing and education of their children.”
Lumen Gentium 11
(see also Catechism of the Catholic Church 1641
The graces offered in the Sacrament of Marriage are to bond the couple together in a call to mutual holiness and to bring forth new life into the world. These truly are the goals of NFP as well. NFP serves to bond a couple in a unique way as they frequently communicate to one another their dreams and goals for family life. As a couple practices NFP together they grow in closer union and are continually encouraged live out their unique call to holiness, even when it is not easy. Practicing NFP can help the couple to realize that they are co-workers with God in the creation of a new unrepeatable human person. And, NFP provides the couple an opportunity to be part of God’s plan as they willingly cooperate with their Creator to choose a responsible time and place to bring children into the world.
The marriage of those who have been baptized is, in addition, invested with the dignity of a sacramental sign of grace, for it represents the union of Christ and His Church.
Humanae Vitae 8
I have been married almost 13 years and I have certainly seen the graces of the Sacrament of Matrimony alive and well in my life. God has watered the dry desert of my heart and helped me to love and care for all the children He has brought into my life so that I can truly say with the Second Vatican document, Gaudium et Spes, that these children are the“ultimate crown” (GS 48, CCC 1652) of my marriage. I know that it will not always be easy, but God will always be with me and my dear husband offering us anew the grace first offered us on our wedding day.
If you are interested in learning Natural Family Planning or need to reconnect with a NFP teacher visit our website today.
Danielle Dyann Abril is the mother of many children through adoption, foster care, and biological motherhood. She home-schools her crew and in her spare time works with the Archdiocese of St. Louis Office of Natural Family Planning to share the good news about NFP with the world.