The following was taken from an interview with Donna Whitely, co-facilitator of the Enkindle ministry for infertility. You can watch the complete interview here.

During Natural Family Planning Awareness week last year, we sat down with Donna Whitely and discussed her work with the Enkindle infertility ministry, here in the Archdiocese of St. Louis. Donna meets with individuals and couples for therapy sessions, as they process and work through the experience of infertility and secondary infertility.

“With Enkindle, I work with couples who are living with infertility,” Donna explained. “The way it started was…a client of NFP came in and talked to me because she wanted some place that was safe and non-judgmental that she could just talk about her experience.”

Although this client was receiving good medical care, she did not have a place to go and process her emotional experience from a mental health perspective. Additionally, she did not have a place where she could process infertility from a uniquely Catholic perspective.

“So, we started a group, and the group was great,” Donna recalled. However, group dynamics shifted when some group members became pregnant or adopted. “We had to kind of stop the group because everyone became a mother in some way! So, then we decided, let’s try individual [therapy], because sometimes people have never, ever told their story. And [telling your story] is scary. And as soon as they start telling it, and they feel safe, or like someone’s listening…then, the tears come.”

With those tears come both relief and an opening to grieve – both essential parts of healing.

“We came up with the word ‘Enkindle’,” Donna explained, “Because when couples come in, their embers are pretty soft. We just keep putting kindling on it, until they can do it themselves…just to give [them] hope that [they’re] going to be okay, and there is a plan…we just don’t know what it is.”

The hardest part is often the waiting to know what God’s plan is. Often, in that waiting, couples begin to be discouraged and feel like they do not have a purpose. Donna is passionate about helping couples realize that, even with infertility, they matter. “…that is the true beauty of the Enkindle [ministry],” she said. “To teach women – men and women – that their purpose is not over if they don’t have a child.”

Reminiscing about a Mother’s Day Mass she went to, years ago, Donna recalled a priest who thoughtfully chose to not have just biological mothers stand up for the Mother’s Day blessing. When she thanked him for that thoughtfulness, he shared that although he had one biological mother, he had many other spiritual mothers that have made him the priest that he is. He told her, “‘Because you are a woman, by birthright, you are a mother.’ I took that, and I realized then all of our kids aren’t going to come wrapped in little bundles of joy.” Spiritual motherhood is an important, necessary form of motherhood!

In addition to individual counseling sessions, a monthly live-streamed rosary for infertility on Facebook, and a sharing of infertility resources weekly for Enkindle Wednesdays (also on Facebook), the Office of NFP also offers a ministry in partnership with Kenrick-Glennon Seminary, for couples facing infertility. Donna explained, “Through Enkindle, we have an ‘In Your Hands’ program, and if people want to, we have a connection with seminarians, and they give their name to a seminarian and he prays for them. And it can either be anonymous, or you can actually have the seminarian contact you.”

Visit our website to learn more about this and all of the resources the Enkindle ministry offers those facing infertility and secondary infertility.

You are not alone. We see you, and your suffering matters to us!